Module 4.2 – All

Module 4.2 - The World Needs Leaders

Do you consider yourself a leader? Use your Core Journal to consider why or why not. How could you work to better “earn” your authority rather than just holding on to it? Finally, check your heart towards your position of work. Write down how you feel about your role and some areas you can improve and grow in? Then consider what steps you might be able to take to grow in those areas.

Name: Jill West

My decision making process has historically been more passive, if that makes sense. In professional decisions (like which companies to work for or how much of my soul I part with), I went where the action and money was, without much thought. My decisions were all action and little thought. Even my decision to leave the industry wasn't exactly carefully thought out. I chose not to renew my contract, then panicked and went to another company that was exactly the same.

That's where I met Satan... it was her nickname before I even got there but she lived up to it (or down, depending on how you look at it). I feel strongly that it was God or the universe telling me that I had fucked up. If you combine every shitty position I had taken in my life and every shitty person I had worked with, it wouldn't scratch the surface of what 9 months of being around her did to me. After the nervous breakdown, I knew I had to do something different so I went to restaurant and retail.

And found the same shit that I found in real estate and banking... harassment, toxicity and cover ups.

I have often said that I used to be oblivious to signs, or sometimes excuse or ignore them. Then I would get bright, neon flashing signs that were hard to ignore... but, more often than not, I still ignored them. At that point, divine intervention (or karma or whatever you want to call it) steps in with a sledgehammer and hits me upside the back of my head.

Brene Brown's analogy using Roosevelt's Man in the Arena speech fits my life perfectly. My entire career was in that arena. It was rough and my decision making was shit for about two decades. I can't really tell you what those decisions were or why I made them. I never felt like I had a choice. I went where I was needed, without much thought. There were times I chose to walk away and refused to compromise my morals when they were tested to the absolute limits. And there were times I didn't walk away. Again, I didn't feel like I had a choice in those cases. Of course, I did, but it never felt like it. I often felt like I was too far in and had no choice but to help them clean up their messes because, by then, I felt equally guilty. It was some seriously gaslighting, abusive, toxic shit.

Sometimes I tell the stories and people react as though they are the exception, rather than the rule. They aren't the exception. Horrible things happen every day in businesses. The more powerful they are, they worse they are. People think places like Microsoft or Amazon can't possible experience this kind of shit. From my perspective, they can't possibly NOT experience it.

I feel so much guilt for the times that I didn't walk away. It drags you in the way an abusive relationship does. I always say, "No man gives a woman a black eye on the first date." The same is true in business. They don't tell you that the environment is toxic because the owner can't stop cornering interns in the supply closet or has forced multiple employees to abort his babies. And when I say forced, I mean FORCED - like taking them to a doctor under false pretenses and then calling them liars after they *suddenly* become no longer pregnant.

Wow, thinking about decisions brought up a lot of stuff. I think it's why I'm so hesitant to get back into anything that resembles what I used to do. I stick with companies that haven't had a chance to be toxic yet because they're too new, but there aren't that many. When I think about marketing my services, I just think about how many new pieces of shit I'll attract. I'm good at what I do and it seems a shame to waste my talents but I think they can be used to make a positive impact on the world. I'm just not really sure how. At least not yet. I'm trying to make deliberate decisions these days and, so far, that translates into making no decisions and no progress. I have a purpose, I know that much. I want to help people who deserve to be helped - not people who are trying to avoid the consequences of their actions.

When I started listening to a different voice, my decisions started to lead me to better places. I honestly don't know what is in store for me but I have faith. I feel like I don't have much to write about when it comes to current situations because everything is relatively benign. I barely do anything these days. I know I want to feel useful. I'm struggling with how to rebuild my career.

Do you consider yourself a leader? Use your Core Journal to consider why or why not. How could you work to better “earn” your authority rather than just holding on to it? Finally, check your heart towards your position of work. Write down how you feel about your role and some areas you can improve and grow in? Then consider what steps you might be able to take to grow in those areas.

Name: Micah Ruiz Esparza

Leaders need to be seeing the potential in the team/organization and trying to bring that potential into its fullest reality. The vision is seeing what that potential can become. Like with the car, it is looking ahead and seeing the intended destination or checkpoint and having the wisdom to make decisions on how to get there. We have to trust ourselves and ask for the trust of our team because if we truly have the well-being and best interest of the team/organization, then you deserve to trust yourself and be trusted. We all make mistakes and that should not be something to hold you back if you continue to move forward toward the vision.

If things aren't panning out the way they are intending and you aren't moving forward, that is when you need to change the vision. You cannot be so stuck in your vision that you can't even see where you are. That would be like if you were driving a car and you knew you needed to get to the other side of the bridge but you are stuck in a pile of mud. However much you want to cross that bridge, you can't do that unless you acknowledge and deal with the situation you are in.

Important decisions I've made: Going to college, majoring in worship ministry, getting married, stepping out of ministry, starting a podcast, pursuing my own self expression through tiktok and music and doing so in a brave and honest way. I feel like I have in key moments taken control of my life and known where I have needed to go and seen it turn out well. I definitely see how my life had to shift eventually as I learned and grew. That ultimately led me to being the best version of myself (this far in life).

I have struggled to make decisions in general. It's hard for me to make decisions because I am often paralyzed by the thought of what others will think of it and how it affects them. So in a sense, I've struggled to make any decisions at all. When I do make decisions, I feel like they are good. They are at least the best ones I can make at the time.

As I have said before, trusting myself has been a struggle. I often would rather place the responsibility in someone else's hands and let them make the decision for me. I at least prefer to work on a team. But if I look at my track record, I am proud of the decisions I have made. Whether people like them or not, that is beside the point. This is my life, and I need to continue to take back the ownership that I have handed over to my parents, the church, friends, etc. I will continue to make mistakes, but I know myself well enough to know that I will always make the most informed decision that I can for the best for myself and for others.

My life is still changing so much, so I don't have a clear vision for myself yet. But I do believe whatever I decide and find within myself will be good. I will keep searching and finding it.

Do you consider yourself a leader? Use your Core Journal to consider why or why not. How could you work to better “earn” your authority rather than just holding on to it? Finally, check your heart towards your position of work. Write down how you feel about your role and some areas you can improve and grow in? Then consider what steps you might be able to take to grow in those areas.

Name: inpower testing

testing journal for mod4 session2 @120

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