Module 2.1 – All

Module 2.1 - MINDSET - What You Believe Can Be Harmful to Your (Core) Health

How often do you allow your mindset to be challenged? What does that challenge look like? Do you have meaningful relationships with a person or people who believe differently than you? Sit quietly and ask yourself if there’s anything you believe that needs to be challenged? Meditate on the question for a bit and enter any thoughts into your Core journal. Something important can happen when we start to do self-examination. Don’t rush it. Let your mind speak to you. Remember, you are valuable and good, and when you take the time to really hear yourself, good things will come to the surface.

Name:Coreen Campos

I firmly believe that 'being right' is very short sighted and can create pickles for people, because then we become limited in what we know (or think we know) based on assumptions we make in order to be right. With that said, as a leader it's been relatively easy for me to be wrong and fumble forward, particularly before I came to United Way, and I've often found it to be a great strategy for team building, humanizing (because no matter how relatable a leader is, people worry about hiring/firing power) and overall there's freedom with admitting and being okay with being wrong. Personally, I sometimes do struggle with being right, I think it's related to my persuasive personality and I think it can speak to an insecurity that sometimes surfaces about intelligence. For me this has been subconscious and what I've learned is when I lead, I really practice stewarding the vision and serving people, so it's easy for me to switch gears. When I'm not mindful, personally, I will easily revert sometimes wanting to be right. This is challenged by being surrounded by family that has different ideologies than I do and being an impatient person.

Personally, I think subconsciously, there's a feeling from my past because growing up I faced a lot of abuse. This included emotional abuse of being told that I was an idiot, that I was a regret "Why did I have such stupid kids?!" "You're such an idiot." I was also physically abused a lot, typically over reactions to seemingly minor frustrations and sometimes for things that had nothing to do with me. As I child, of course, I couldn't distinguish the difference and I suspect I just internalized it all. I was also devalued as part of that abuse would include throwing things at me while these things would be yelled and this included shaking, slapping, dragging me across the house by my hair, kicking me and spitting on my face. As a result of all the turmoil I faced at home (when I wasn't experiencing these things, others were--my sister, my stepfather) so my house was very challenged which made it very difficult for me to focus in school. My house was very chaotic---I usually didn't get to school early enough to eat breakfast and there wasn't a lot of focus on basic needs (like breakfast) in my house--it was always a scramble to get our act together and try to not get beat in the process. Things that my family and I enjoy frequently now, were not normally practiced with me as a child, like snuggling for a nap, watching a film, walking together, mommy/daughter dates (or mommy/father dates), traveling, and watching the kids play (I'm not the best at playing with them, but they LOVE it just to have me watch--in fact sometimes I get in the way when I play with them, so then they ask me to watch or assign me a role, which I'm cool with).

Given this reality, I often failed or struggled in school. Particularly in elementary school, I often felt shuffled along and sometimes teacher would just 'give' me a C over a D so I wouldn't be held behind. I could disassociate at a young age, so often when in class, my mind would be elsewhere--this was a helpful tool when I was experience negativities at home, but not conducive to my learning or growth--but I was often called out for not paying attention and frequently confused. Or I would get in trouble because I mostly wanted to talk with my classmates and have learning gaps--often classroom activities where the teacher would 'popcorn' call on students would cause me to freeze up because I was often put on the spot at home as well and there was no fighting it or running away from it (although I often tried--hiding behind my toys, under the bed, once trying to crawl into the attic), but running made it worse, so often I would just freeze--this translated a lot in class. I would freeze and feel stupid---particularly in areas of math, where the learning builds, so, for example, my arithmetic is poor, but in math classes that are more conceptual and allow for calculators, I can do okay (not an A, but I can pass!). When I do sometimes feel put on the spot, or when I feel the need to be right, I sometimes feel it's something surrounding baby Coreen. I'm triggered into a previous response of what was.

I find this particularly true with my spouse because men in my life were often harmful. My husband is very patient and is my biggest cheerleader, and I'm trying to work on making sure that I can treat him at least the way I treat those I serve at work. When he hears this it makes him feel diminished or devalued (I'm not an employee, I'm your husband!), but ironically, I recognize that I treat my colleagues, employees and friends better. I'm trying to work on that.

How often do you allow your mindset to be challenged? What does that challenge look like? Do you have meaningful relationships with a person or people who believe differently than you? Sit quietly and ask yourself if there’s anything you believe that needs to be challenged? Meditate on the question for a bit and enter any thoughts into your Core journal. Something important can happen when we start to do self-examination. Don’t rush it. Let your mind speak to you. Remember, you are valuable and good, and when you take the time to really hear yourself, good things will come to the surface.

Name:Jill West

In my previous professional life, tension was frowned upon. Whoever was the highest ranking person in a situation got their way because nobody dared to contradict them. Honestly, nobody even made suggestions. I could always tell people had ideas but were too afraid to share them. I’ve never really avoided making suggestions, but I’ve had my ideas struck down because they were mine and not the “man in charge” at the time. I can’t tell you how many times, after a few days, they would say, “I just had an idea….” and it would be the one I had made but “in a slightly different shade” so to speak (insert eye roll emoji).

I have gotten into the habit of checking my strong opinions about anything that gives me that icky “what if I’m wrong” feeling. That’s the best way I can describe it. I have a deep love of research and a passion for seeking knowledge.

One of my stubbornest mindsets was about religion (which I equated with God most of my life). I was convinced that there is no God and the universe is random and pointless. A few years ago, I was doing extensive research into metaphysics and I kept running into scientists who believed in God.

Why would people who know so much about science believe in a higher power?

I started looking for like-minded people and the great, godly social media algorithms led me in the right direction. That has been the biggest change of mindset in my life and it has brought me to peace and contentment.

I have several people in my family who are strongly entrenched in opposing opinions about religion and politics. God is speaking to me with my sister-in-law’s cancer diagnosis. One day, about 2 weeks ago, I randomly messaged her to open up the lines of communication again. Most times, she just goes non responsive because I’m not talking about anything exciting and dramatic (they are all addicted to drama). Within a week of me making sure to reach out daily, she called me with her diagnosis.

I messaged my brother the other day (first time since Christmas) to see how he is holding up. His responses were short but polite. I am hoping that this is my chance to “Christian” and practice just being in the tension without being pulled into the debates. I am hopeful for the future of our relationship and I also hope I can help my sister-in-law improve her mindset for the road ahead.

She’s in complete denial and acting as though she’s having a tooth filled.

How often do you allow your mindset to be challenged? What does that challenge look like? Do you have meaningful relationships with a person or people who believe differently than you? Sit quietly and ask yourself if there’s anything you believe that needs to be challenged? Meditate on the question for a bit and enter any thoughts into your Core journal. Something important can happen when we start to do self-examination. Don’t rush it. Let your mind speak to you. Remember, you are valuable and good, and when you take the time to really hear yourself, good things will come to the surface.

Name:Micah

One of my main frustrations with the last two places I have worked (the church and the furniture/appliance store) is having a fixed mindset and settling in it. There was a refusal to accept new ideas of even acknowledge their helpfulness and so things are done the same inefficient way. It was so bad that good ideas were often dismissed because they would not be accepted by other people or the leadership themselves didn't understand and didn't want to understand. I would be the one to step in and do work under the radar and then present a more finished and refined product of my idea in a way that they would be more likely to accept. This was way more efficient than pointing out the initial problem and working as a team to find improvement.

I do have many relationships with people I disagree with. My family is the primary example and then the church I am leaving is another example. I still love the people themselves and have good relationships with them. I have vastly different views and convictions. It has given me compassion for people I was taught to hate and now on the other side of things, it gives me compassion for the people who taught me to hate anyone even though I think it was toxic.

I think I can confidently say that I have a growth mindset, but I am understanding more in life that everything is on a spectrum. Certain things I do have a growth mindset and other things I am more fixed. I have for a long time been taught to have answers for everything. I still feel the need to have answers and there is value in being sure of things. But I am coming more to a place of being okay with not knowing. We can't know everything. And I am being more okay with being an expert in what I can, and then letting experts in other places be the experts without me inserting my uneducated opinion. I still struggle with this because I like to have answers and seem like I know more than I do. But I am working on it. I'm sure, given more time, I could think of many other areas I have settled mindsets.

How often do you allow your mindset to be challenged? What does that challenge look like? Do you have meaningful relationships with a person or people who believe differently than you? Sit quietly and ask yourself if there’s anything you believe that needs to be challenged? Meditate on the question for a bit and enter any thoughts into your Core journal. Something important can happen when we start to do self-examination. Don’t rush it. Let your mind speak to you. Remember, you are valuable and good, and when you take the time to really hear yourself, good things will come to the surface.

Name:Naun Garcia

2.1 Real Test

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