Module 1.4 – All

Module 1.4 - A Pauper or a Prince?

How have you seen a pauper or prince’s mindset in people around you? How do these different mindsets impact the people who carry them? How do they impact others around them?

Name:Richard Peralta

I'm fairly certain that I have been both Pauper and Prince at various points of my professional and personal life. Sometimes it comes in cycles like seasons and other times it can switch from day to day or week to week. I know professionally when I can sustain the princely mindset is when I find myself in FLOW and work becomes so much more enjoyable, even conflict and challenges become not only easier to manage but almost like a game or test that I'm prepared for and enjoy performing well at. When I review and say my I AM statements they are incredibly uplifting. It can be POWERFUL to SPEAK these truth's repeatedly. To not only remind myself who I am, but to drown out the negative self-talk that can be so pervasive and damaging.

How have you seen a pauper or prince’s mindset in people around you? How do these different mindsets impact the people who carry them? How do they impact others around them?

Name:haley white

I've been working to overcome generational and personal traumas, mental health issues, systemic lies and biases, and my own personality flaws for most of my adult life. I take ant-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, I am generally always in one form of therapy or another and have tried out-of-the-box means of self-exploration (that's the entire reason I went back to grad school, in fact). I've been able to break through a lot of the stuff that used to hold me down and keep me in cycles of a victim/pauper mentality. I've let go of a lot of anger and a lot of shame. That being said, I still have work to do. I think I'm somewhere in between a prince and a pauper. Maybe a high-ranking civil servant who aspires to do be a prince. Lol. Within the context of the self-work I've done, I can see there are a few cycles I still get caught up in to my own detriment. Namely, giving too much of myself to others while not protecting my own time, energy and mental/spiritual/physical health. I keep doing this in both my personal and professional life, even though I work on NOT allowing it to happen. I know this all stems from an inherent worthiness issue - I seem to still need to PROVE I'm valuable rather just knowing it and living accordingly. I know this, I see this, I am trying to work on it- but I still continue to find myself stuck in patterns related to it before I've realized what's happened. I think that's the primary cycle I'm trying to break with this program.

How have you seen a pauper or prince’s mindset in people around you? How do these different mindsets impact the people who carry them? How do they impact others around them?

Name:Coreen Campos

I was fortunate to have been exposed to the spiritual belief of religious science which is a combination of spiritual belief and science---in popular culture it's often recognized by the teachings of Michael Beckworth who wrote the book The Secret which is around affirmative prayer, changing mindset and recognizing the spirit within each of us. When I have been the most practicing, what I have found is that it is similar in many ways to this teaching, everything except the prayer and the fact that not everyone who is practicing if framing this work around leadership, but rather a spiritual journey, connecting to your highest and greatest self.

This practice came into my life when I was about 14 years old, and I participated very begrudgingly at first and then immediately found it metaphysical, spiritual and healing and included both individual exercises (like affirmation and meditation) and group work (like youth group and science of mind classes) which are very reminiscent of the Core Leadership Network. A combination of readings, discussions, practice and overall wellness and healing.

When I went to college I became less and less involved as my life became increasingly busy with the clutter of work, school and making ends meet and subsequently got married and had kids. Notably, my husband does not practice this belief system and grew up catholic with a patriarchal household that he often felt oppressed in--in fact this is how we met, as he came to Fresno to go to school and get away from home. As I have been less in tune and focused on my mental and spiritual health, the epicenter of wellness, I have (as I've mentioned in our sessions) felt 'out of whack.'

CORE has been a highlight of my week and although I wish had fewer responsibilities at the moment, I'm happy to lean right in, as I welcome this and I'm SO glad that I did!

With that said, I have been very focused on attracting financial abundance, career abundance (particularly around security) and the beginnings of first generation wealth creation, which I'm all very proud of (and some of this is definitely a work in progress and some further along than others). Where I am working through a paupers mindset is when it comes to not throwing things away---I have clothes that I've had for 20 years, some falling apart, and a garage full of clutter because I get worried about getting rid of stuff. I'm at a phase in my life now where the cleaner and simpler the better, so I've been learning to have fun getting rid of stuff, knowing that I'm donating it so others can have what they need.

The pauper mentality can be deeply embedded into the CBO sector, so I often default to 'making things work' at work on a shoe-string budget, it doesn't always occur to me to ask for what I need because I'm used to restricted grants and limited line items. I am not fully asking for what I need in order to be successful in some areas and I'm trying to work on that. Some of it is exasperated by our lack of reporting and financial information, so I don't always have access to where we are (or where my staff are) in terms of monthly spending that we're all accountable for, but some of it is just an evolving mindset.

When it comes to love and relationships, I tend to be very abundant centered, and my husband (who I have often accused of having a scarcity mindset) is all about balance. Recently, I learned from some personality assessments that we both took, that he is someone that is into harmony and is naturally about balance and the biggest thing that I am struggling with is that sometimes this appears to me to be very 'tit for tat' vs. us both just dreaming together and asking for what we need. For example, if I say that I need to go out with a friend because I need some time away, his response is often, "well, what about me? I work all day and carry the load with the kids because you're busy and in school" and my response is--"great, what about you? Do what you need to do too, it's not either or." What I find is that he's then happy to tell me what he needs but struggles to initiate it or even to KNOW what he needs or how he feels. He often will say that somethings wrong but he's not sure. He's also a slower processor.

I find myself struggling with these behaviors because 1. I judge them (I get SO annoyed that he doesn't know what he needs or takes days to sometimes process a conversation--I'm impatient). 2. I've sometimes made the mistake of internalizing these behaviors, which has impacted me negatively 3. Some of our 'stuff' is actually LANGUAGE barrier--his first language is Spanish and sometimes the presentation is different--for example, he'll make a statement but he's really asking a question and I react because I don't hear the question. 4. I have not been super mindful and I have adopted some of these negative behaviors like keeping track or being passive aggressive--we are influenced sometimes by the company we keep and these are two negatives that I have picked up from Erick that I have not exhibited before and I don't like them.

Erick is my BIGGEST supporter. He truly loves me unconditionally, he wants me to be well and he wants to be well too, and there are SO many things about him that I love and ways in which I think we are extremely well matched and I've learned SO many wonderful things from him. He has held more faith than I in our ability to live happily every after forever and some of that I think is tied to my ability to leave when things get hard vs. he is realistic that sometimes things are hard and you work through them together.

I have also realized that I have (unintentionally of course) been gas lighting him. I have been dismissive, I have accused him of being needy and clingy or insecure. I've said things like, "don't threaten me with a good time, I LOVED being divorced it was SO much easier," (there is definitely truth here around the schedule, but the delivery is very mean and it's triggering for him). I love affection and quality time, but I don't need it all the time, Erick and I have different thresholds, for me, when I'm busy, I can just focus on work/school round the clock and not be very affectionate, but it doesn't bother me, same thing when Erick is busy, but he needs MORE time and affirmation than I do so I get snippy about it.